She read my poem today
For the first time.
I stopped thinking of her
as family a long time ago
though we were close
As children
someone sent her a link
didn’t think he’d do that
she sent me some encouraging words
don’t know why, but I thought she’d read another
it wasn’t about her, but had her name on it
A funny villanelle
she didn’t bother to read it
I don’t know why I ever
thought she was being sincere
If I wrote as well as she said
she’d have read another
Art: Mondo Grosso
Back in 2009
I cried for help
I told everyone I knew
I was going to kill myself
My father said, “go ahead”
his usual behaviour…
i don’t know what I was expecting!
Anyway…
I did go ahead
I swallowed about thirty tablets
Woke up in my own puke
couldn’t stand up
head spinning
mom screamed
and called the ambulance
Father cried
And kept saying
He was sorry
and that he loves me
(for the first time ever)
i had never seen him look
this weak before
All this while
i was screaming
over and over again,
“why didn’t it work?!!”
thinking then
that my life
would get worse
i do not know if it has
Scenes, gruesome and vile in my dreams
Leave me with a distaste for my species
What the fuck is happening to me?
Can’t stop thinking of that abominable scene
I see some monster’s torture chamber
A strapped victim and a jar of acidic paste
I will say no more of this wicked nightmare
It gets worse of course, I wake up with haste
Man, why are you doing this?
Torture, rape and murder for what?
Does it give you joy? Does it make you hot?
Do you enjoy it when your spirit festers and rots.
Or can you just not tell anymore
The difference between good and bad
Short term satiation of your demonic core
You know you can’t call it a heart any more
My dreams… They aren’t mine, but whose are they?
These nightmares not purged by the light of day
I watch the news, a waking night terror
It’s time we all take a look in the mirror
Not surprised if some people start clicking their boots and shout, “Heil Fuhrer!”
Look at what we’ve become.
Whispers of the Universe 