[Epic Poem] Part 12: Ritual Magicks and a Colicky Bird

[Epic Poem] Part 11: Highland Spirit

The intrepid heroes, after a quick siesta,

And fiesta, travel to old barn McDonald’s

No time to marvel at the farm’s flora/ fauna

They use Duff’s spare keys,  to whom McDonald farm willed

As his rightful heir and successor. Duff don’t care

About the farm though. The tavern’s his rightful lair.

“All right,” Thor says, reading the sacred chalk drawn glyphs

On the inside of the barnhouse walls. Mockingbird burps.

“Silence,” Thor thunders, “can’t make a single mistake.”

“Yeah, quiet,” says the Bird, “or you’ll get the damn herps!”

“First the sacrifice,” Thor says, hidden pockets provide

He magicks a fire, exactly ten square feet wide

“Oranges and lemons for Saint Clement’s” he chants,

“Five farthings for the bells of Saint Martin’s,”  he rants.

“Eh?” says Mocking Bird in glee,”did you say farting?

If I could do that, I’d make the sea a parting!”

“Demon bird,” Thor hisses, “just be quiet and still

Or I’ll roast you with parsley, sage, rosemary and dill!”

Thor throws in the fire his various offerings

While Mocking Bird mutters his vulgar proferrings

Thor dances around the fire, “ringa ringa Rosie,”

He then falls down and begins the final sacred chant

Thunder roars with his splendid syllables, “Ee Ai Ee Ai…”

Mocking Bird completes the magical ritual, “Uh Oh!”

[Epic Poem] Part 13: Utopia!

[Poem] ? !

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[Poem] Da Bestest Shoota Werdz!!! (WH40k FF) A poem in Orkish.

In the grim darkness of the future there is only war… And the Orky dakka dakka dance

Arite, ye runt gobs. Dis shoota ent got enuff zoggin

One, two, yonkz… Many krumpy lettaz, but ent nuff dakka dakka

We de orkies ave good choppas and alfybitz be fer blitzin

I iz chopz em up gud den, cuz red wunz go wazza wazza

Wez de Orkz, we rexum all
Orkz Orkz Orkz Orkz orkz!
Wez de stronkest, our wazza be mostest
Greenskinz be bestest coz wez iz da Orkziest!!!
Bigga, betta, fasta, stronkest! Wez ave no need for yonkzy three an three lettaz!

Orkz iz ment for fightin an winnin
Oi, ya gitz, nuff muckin. We knowz wotz wot
For yonkz, the kwestchunz made eads urtzez
So we twunted Da lernin right in Da jubileez, chop chop!

Attenchun!!! Attenchun!!! Sumz beakies need a stompin
Warbozz calls Da boyz, Da jobz a guddun
Ere we go! Ere we go! Ere we go! Orkz boyz!
Orkiez rokkit full blast to loot sum flashun shinies
Sumfink sumfink sumfink sumfink WAAAAAAAAGH!?!!?!!!??!!

Image: https://goo.gl/images/49YV2H

[Epic Poem] Part 11: Highland Spirit

[Epic Poem] Part 10: The Bet

The Scott and the Nord drink fine highland single malt

Cask after cask is taken from the tavern vault

Their burps contain pure spirit. Inflammable Belch!!!

Maid Nancy moves the lamps away. Clever Miss Welsh

Peter and James watch in dismay as Thor wavers

The mocking Bird inebriated in vapours!

James throws a pot of liquid at Thor’s reddened face

Thor roars, “Eel salad! Why you nincompoop disgrace?

You dare empty a chamber pot on my luster!”

James squeaks, “I thought it was water; pick-me-upster.”

McDuffie chortles, “drenched in piss! Just like old times”

Thor bristles, “Speak for yourself. Don’t bundle me with your crimes.”

McDuffie laughs as he falls off his chair…

and then dreams sweet dreams

 

The mocking Bird sings, cacophonous infusion

To McDuffie’s snores, “tankuberyuchyubigtshon.”

 

[Epic Poem] Part 12: Ritual Magicks and a Colicky Bird

[Poem] Cossack Mamay

Cossack Mamay plays his kobza

And quiet flows the Don

Cossack Mamay rides to see the Hetman

For it is that time again.

 

War!

 

Cossack Mamay rides the sitch

And the Don flows on

Cossack Mamay jumps grand chasmic ditch…

Cheers of appreciation

from a nearby Tartar.

 

Cossack Mamay carries wounded horse on his back

Grinning widely, his teeth clench a pipe of tabac

War is over,  he goes back to his shack.

 

He’ll never leave a brother or horse behind

Cossack Mamay, what a rare man to find!

 

 

Clip from one of my favourite movies (no, not quiet flows the Don)

 

 

[Poem] Cuckoo and Nightingale

On a pomegranate tree out in the forest

There a nightingale built her nest

Sang her etude of beauty, dragonfly chorus

Splendid harmony of Life’s test.

 

A cuckoo then came, seeking place

Somewhere to lay its eggs

Nightingale for Cuckoo made space

“No need to fight or beg,”

 

Nightingale sang that night,

“Your young are safe

I’ll raise them to sing right

In this nest (there’s) no waif.”

 

 

 

[AA2] Day 44: HecatAPP: Moonlight Edition

[AA2] Night 43: Trivia meets Thomas

Magick Maker App for all your Wiccan Needs

WHAT’S NEW
WHAT’S NEW in version 4.1 Moonlight Edition
Added Moonlight support
Completely revamped OS that now supports Moon magick
Battery drain issues fixed, you no longer need to charge your phone… ever!
Signal issues fixed. Get unrestricted access to the Hecatapp network no matter where you are on the planet.
Sleek new UI to reduce time lag and magical drain
Now form ultra covens with the new intra-coven messaging app and perform unbelievable feats
Added new stock market minigame to Sacred Geometry. Just link your demat account to the app and become a millionaire… 100% return or more guaranteed daily
Fixed crashing issues and parsing errors from Ash Tree update 3.6
New Creation Magic added. Can be unlocked once Coven level reaches Elite.
Sacrifice counter added to Empath Nightmare Bringer mode. Now get credited for even the littlest scare.

 

[AA2] Day 45: Brahmarishi in the Making

[Epic Poem] Part 10: The Bet

[Epic Poem] Part 9: We’re Off to See McDuffie, The Wonderful Brewer of Brews!

Tavern Hill, an hour’s walk laden with abuse

From a verbose trans-dimensional mocking Bird

The heroes enter. Their presence does now induce

Instant silence and appraisal from the innards

“Thor, you bastard,” a giant bearded Scott yells out,

“You still haven’t paid your tab, you bloody baw bag

Three centuries interest, a king’s ransom… You lout!”

Thor smiles wide, arms stretched out, “McDuffie lqngubak,

Let’s settle our dues with a drinking contest

All forgiven if I win, plus McDonald’s keys.

My tab closed and I will sponsor the village fest

If you win, McDuffie old friend, renowned qlfuss.”

McDuffie agrees. It’s been a while since he had

A worthy opponent.
The Mockingbird croons, “Mad!!!”

Mary’s little lamb, fleece as white as snow, agrees.

 

baw bag: scrotum

lqngubak: fishbelly

qlfuss: drunkard

[Epic Poem] Part 11: Highlander Spirit