Back to Hell?

My mind’s not quite right
Jumping from night to bright
Mild depression to hypomania
Return to my castle in WTFania?

where the screams of WTF!!! never cease

Duality
Is me
I have not felt this way
Writing the whole day
For such a long time
It should be a crime
To feel so good
But this blog isn’t about that
Touch wood

The dark night
Returneth?
I know it’s coming
I can feel my soul cry
My place in hell
Not of my own making
It is Him

I know why He does it
But I can’t stand it
I’ve been in tranquil dusk
For too long
The glory of the sunset
I must enjoy it
While it lasts
Don’t know how fast
My soul will be damned…
Temporarily

Duality
Remember?

it’s always temporary (I hope)

Will I spend the night searching
For light
Will I spend the night sleeping
In the blight
Where death surrounds me
Can I ever be free?

Am I a monster?
A freak?
Why subject me to this
When all I can do is leak
Blood and ink?

What would it be like
To live normally
Have a family
9-5 routine
Happy dinner time
Two girls and a boy
I’ll buy them toys
But not too many
Don’t want to spoil them

A wife I could talk to
About anything I wanted
And she’d nod
Even if she couldn’t understand
And I’d know
And she’d know I knew
But we’d still be happy
Because the things we could understand
About each other
Were much more important
Than anything else

To have someone I could count on
Who could count on me
Sharing strength
A happy family

Instead
You send me to hell
And make me marry
My thoughts of despair
In the hope
That I’ll find some light there
Or am I just fooling myself
To make sense of this pain?

I know that I cannot be happy
But fooling myself into believing
That I can light a lamp
With a matchsick
I found
While fumbling around
In Hell
May not be so bad